were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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