Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
