I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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