well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
