Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
