I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
