What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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