this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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