apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
