my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
