Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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