people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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