went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
