apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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