I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I believe in your delicious
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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