two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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