Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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