If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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