can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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