TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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