So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
