tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
