I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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