East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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