We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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