Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
