I feel like I'm in dance class right now
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
