who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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