youre lurking in front of me
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
