she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
