I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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