also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
