My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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