SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
