he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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