What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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