I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
