So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm having to shit out rocks
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