his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
