Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
two words...techno handjob
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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