how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
