I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
