I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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