Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
