this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
