I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
