My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
