pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
