Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you didnt know i had herpes?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
