hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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