i can't believe i had my finger in that
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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