You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
