East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize