You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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