you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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