Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
