He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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