Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
