I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im holly from the hills drunk
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
