I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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