Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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