I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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