Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
