"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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