When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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