in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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