It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
