The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
