I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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