just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
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I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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