pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He? As in you personified your dick?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
