haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
did you just send me my own nude
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
