Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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