OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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