good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
