i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
