Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
