I intend to get homeless drunk
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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