some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
