..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just come out here and I will go home with you...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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