There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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