I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
